Today is the 1 year anniversary of Matt and I living together. And I’ve decided I’ll just stop with the whole initials thing. This was us on my 26th birthday this past April taken at Pi Pizza on the Delmar Loop. We had just finished up an amazing meal with Austin and Lucas. This is one of the few awesome moments we actually captured on “film” over this past year. I wish there were more, but both of us are terrible with actually taking pictures and his camera is dead half the time. I think I may need a space phone soon just so I can get more great moments like this . . .
May I gush for a bit? Thanks, Internet, I appreciate your permission even when we both know you can’t stop me anyway.
You’re awesome. This word may be used too much but not in the context of “my thoughts on Matt.” In that case it’s not used enough. I know at one point we had “the discussion” about us moving in together, but I don’t really remember it because it seemed like that’s where our relationship was heading since you left Minnesota. It really wasn’t a question of “if” but a question of “when.” Yeah, we thought about maybe I’d just move to St. Louis but in a different place, but that was scrapped pretty quickly. It didn’t make sense monetarily and, ultimately, it didn’t make sense for us.
I’ll admit it was a rough transition for me those first few months. I didn’t like our apartment much – it was tiny, on the top floor, there were bugs, namely a giant cockroach which I had to battle, ants in the bathroom, no cable, bad laundry situation, never-ending dishes, the inner shower curtains tried to kill me with it’s plastic death shroud, the closets were huge but at the same time didn’t hold anything and were NOT in the bedroom, the oven is too hot and I can’t bake cookies, and the sockets are all two-pronged and one of them emits sparks.
I also was all alone. You started school less than 48 hours after we arrived and the only person I knew besides you was Paul. Paul was awesome, don’t get me wrong, but having one friend and being in an empty apartment late into the night was an alien concept and I didn’t like it much.
Finally, I was without a job. I thought I had saved enough to make it through and we did okay, but I felt like a sluff not being able to contribute beyond my savings. I did my best to make dinner and keep up the apartment, but I’m not that great with household upkeep. I did my best to be on top of job searching and was able to land one in about a month and a half and then . . .
TRAGEDY STRUCK!! I got appendicitis and was sick for four days not knowing, followed by emergency surgery, my first ever surgery, and again I was alone, scared, and soon to be wiped of any savings I had plus much more. And I had to push back my start date for my job. Now not only did my apartment suck but I was also stuck in a stupid state away from all of my friends and family and they had to cut me open as well: St. Louis, what more do you want from me?! That’s when this guy (you) showed up, all shiny white knight-y:
And I realized you’d been here all along, right by my side. Through every fit of rage at the craziness of this all, every time I felt like the only thing I could do was sob because I missed being home, for every accomplishment BIG: Getting my Job, Killing Cockroaches like a BOSS, and small: putting together my bookshelf, making dinners. And that’s when the good days started to out number the bad ones, little by little, evening out and then taking over. Knowing that I had you there whenever I truly NEEDED you and not just wanted you, that through my defeats and despair you’d be right there holding me and showing my way to the good, I had the motivation to better by myself and by you. I do think it’s true, that when you decide to love and appreciate your life that good things seem to start happening. I found a band to join, I do well at my job, I still SUCK at cleaning but I still strive to make our home life better. I found a cool laundromat and joined a kickball team and made friends and started making a HOME for us. I know I can trust you with my LIFE, and not just life or death situations, but with the enriching of my whole life, and I hope you feel the same.
This summer was the clincher though. You were free from the stress (mostly) of school and I have a basic work schedule so we had pretty much every evening and weekend to spend with each other, just like normal people. And it was, again, AWESOME. We marched in the Pride Parade together, we went to rehearsals together, played Kickball, drove to Iowa and Minnesota couple times, adding to our road trip tally. We stayed in and went to movies and went to dinner and played games and hung out with friends. And we didn’t KILL each other, or hate each other, and the reduced stress of your school reduced our stress. I admit I was afraid that we’d stay stressed and have nothing to blame but ourselves – that we’d have nothing to blame but the fact that we weren’t “right.” But I think we’ve proved that we are right, we are good, we are AWESOME, together.
So thanks for helping me in this grand adventure. Thanks for all of the encouragement, and the goofiness, and the made up songs, and the foot massages, and the solidarity. Thanks for being my constant designated driver, for making dinner, for staying in and going out, and for running, and believing I can run, too.
Thanks for always saying I Love You before we say goodbye, or in the middle of the night when you wake up rolling over, or when we’ve been sitting quietly watching a movie, or because it’s Tuesday at 3pm, and never “capping” it, or not meaning it, no matter if we say it to each other 40 times a day (which I’m sure we’ve done, we should count it next time), because more than anything I can’t imagine not being able to say it back, or first, or multiple times, as much as I want, which is a lot. And I mean, who wouldn’t love a guy like you? Handsome, funny, smart like an Encyclopedia Britannica, artistic, hard working, and loyal – you’re SUPA AWESOME, and you don’t even know it. Therefore I dedicate this song, the first song you sang to me, to you:
Here’s to you, and here’s to us, and here’s to the next year, and the next year, and the next, and so on, and so forth.