Tag Archives: “Changeless”

It’s Like I Never Left

PRE-SCRIPT: This post was started last week right after Boof and Mindy’s wedding on 8/18/12.

“Changeless”

by: Carbon Leaf

Call my friends to share some wine
To share some laughs, and last goodbyes
My photographs of these years
Will make me laugh through the tears

What are the odds, what are the odds?
This ends and we don’t meet again
What are the odds, What are the odds?
That I will miss your smile

Take awhile! Take awhile! Take care and
Fly away and see the world
Take awhile! Take awhile! Take time and
If you need rest, I’ll keep your nest
Changeless

Let fondness be our souvenir
To keep it warm, we’ll keep it near
Otherwise with no heart to recall…
A memory’s just a memory after all
I will not leave this pulse alone
Though it may take the long way home
I will not wait until the end
For my applause for you my friend

What are the odds, what are the odds?
This ends and we don’t meet again
What are the odds, what are the odds?
This ends and we won’t meet again
What are the odds, What are the odds?
That I have missed your smile

Take awhile! Take awhile! Take care and
Fly away and see the world
Take awhile! Take awhile! Take time and
If you need rest, I’ll keep your nest
Changeless

Went home to Minnesota for the third time this summer this past weekend and had an AMAZING TIME.

I write “home to Minnesota” and it gives me pause, because it’s not where I live, yet, this feeling of home was felt over and over as I was able to spend some quality time with all of my “groups” – 1) Family 2) High School Original Sixer’s (and Brandon:)) 3) UofM Friends 4) MN Brass (in no order or ranking, bty.)

I think my friend Mandi said it best when she told me it feels like I (me, KJ) never left.  And I think that’s the best signifier of where your “home” space is.  It’s not that you don’t change, or the scenery doesn’t change, it’s the mutual warmth and love and friendship that is “changeless.”   The carbon leaf song says the nest will stay changeless, but let’s say we take the word “nest” more literally, like a bird’s nest.  They build new ones each year.  It’s in relatively the same place, but it’s always different and yet it’s still home.  Anyone who has ever gone through the standard rites of passage in the U.S. knows this, so I won’t analyze this any further, rather, I’d like to apply this to my very eventful weekend/summer.

Thankfully my family has had only two BIG things happen this year, both positive, both resulting in my parents being true empty-nesters.  I moved away on August 28th, 2011 to live with Matt.  My brother, Daniel, moved in with his girlfriend Anna this past May 2012.  The rest of the changes were smaller but still significant only because my “nest” now looks and feels different though still very much the same.  My brother got a job delivering for Jimmy Johns and got my parents a giant flat screen tv for Christmas, their first one.  Because of his job he needed a more reliable car, so got a different Saturn which is a pale blue-silvery color and we finally said goodbye to Hermie the Hermaphrodite (our dark green Saturn ’96 which he and I both learned to drive in and was owned by all four of our family members at one point or another.)  My parents also both ended up getting new-used cars and I have Fiona, my brand new Ford Fiesta.  My mom has pretty much cleaned out what my brother calls “the shrine” which is my bedroom, buying a nice lamp and a box spring for the bed so it can be the “guest bedroom.” My leftover books and boxed up childhood toys just give the room character 🙂  My brother’s room now has new shelves for my mom to put things for her on the side baking business “Annabelle’s Oven,” which my dad built for her.

My family time and MN Brass time overlapping is far from different for me.  I was lucky to be able to see the Sounds of Minnesota show, just in time for MN Brass’s performance which was pretty cool.  That is the ONLY show I saw and the only one I will see live this summer.  While I was there I ran into old friends and many hugs were shared.  I mean, I couldn’t turn around practically without hugging someone, which was a great feeling.  I got to see some Pawlentys (related to the former governor, but biggest difference is that they aren’t douchebags) and Byrnes and Freidls and Whitakers.  I also got to play “big sister” to my girl Jana and make sure her boyfriend with the long hair was an okay kid and not scum.  My little Jana is really the one that changed, and will keep changing, but somehow she is so wonderfully in touch with those who she sees as family, no matter the time spent apart I see her and it’s a homecoming.  I don’t know what I did to deserve the the devotion.  From any of them.

I was able to, albeit briefly, see three of my original six girls:  Courtney, accompanied of course by my favorite Brandon, Natalie and Emily.  I always wish it was longer but we make good use of our time.  Because I have been close with these ladies for so long I like seeing how we’ve all changed and grown.  And what’s great is that I feel we’ve allowed for the growth – friendship elasticity.  But I also know that we’ve molded each other, helped set along a path, if only by being there for one another.  Two of them are now on the path to motherhood and I couldn’t be more excited!!  It will be interesting/amazing to watch them go through this next phase and learn from them and just watch them develop into moms.  I wish I could be there with them but I know we will all be honorary “aunts” to each others kids, creating space in our “nests” for them.

Finally, the Wedding of BOOF & MINDY.  First and foremost: it was super fun and pretty and cool and awesome.  The bride was beautiful and the groom charming and clever 😉  No but for real, the best part of weddings is seeing your friends, again, move into a new phase of their life, and how it brings people together.  I came from St. Louis, others came from farther or nearer, but all dropped any obligations we may have to make sure to be apart of their day.  THAT is family, THAT is friendship.  That is chickens coming home to roost.  And Mandi was right: I was gone a year, really?  Because it could have been that I stepped into the other room for awhile.  I gossiped with Becky, my co-conspirator and go-to gal, I did my hair with Mandi, I got “hello-bitch’d” by Joe, I danced the night away with Austin flinging me around, I laughed at inappropriate times with Gina, I was a dinosaur with Lucas, and with Katie, I had touching and funny and outrageous moments with all of them, including even a bonebabe picture with the new “bone wife” Mindy.  This could’ve happened last year, or the year before, or next year, and I can only hope if I ever get married it will happen again.

As it was my last chance to see Austin face to face I had said the only “real” goodbye to him.  And even that isn’t forever and ever.  Because eventually we will see each other again, maybe somewhere far away, maybe back in Minnesota, but where ever it is, it’ll be home.  And that’s what’s important.  Maybe next time I see ANY of these wonderful people it will be too long and maybe it will be awkward, at first, and maybe some things that I would like to change will stay the same, but they won’t have, not really.  I don’t care about being “stuck” in a role, I don’t care about who may have slighted who when and how and why, I care that you’re here now, and you’ve been here before, and you’ve been here when it counts.

So, if I could say one thing (because this post isn’t long enough) I hope EVERYONE I know GOES FORTH into the great unknown, whether it be starting something, or starting over, or leaving, or quitting, or joining, or traveling – make sure it’s a positive change and a way to move forward and onward.  Do it without fear of being lost or left behind because,  as my “experiment” has shown (moving to StL and not coming home for almost a year to see my friends (saw family at Christmas)) your loved ones will be there, wherever “there” is, when you get back, and will LOVE YOU for who you are now, then, and always.

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Personal Musings